no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
