I am puke
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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