There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I still have a little drunk in my system
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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