she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
