I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
