nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This baby is an asshole
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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