Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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