so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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