she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
