Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
