Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize