dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize