I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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