we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
