Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
