My nipple is on Facebook.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
