i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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