I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
