Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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