There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
