I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she pinky promised me she was 18
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
