Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
