im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize