She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize