My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
