I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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