I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
