The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
