I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
