Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
