Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize