You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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