you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
