No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
