Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
