Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
