ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
