i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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