Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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