The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dear god my vagina.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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