The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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