Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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