Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
