hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
