she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
