I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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