So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
