My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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