so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize