areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
