pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
