So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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