I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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