you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
