so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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