I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
