im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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