he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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