I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
