my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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