dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
