i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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