someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
