They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
