Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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