It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
nutella sex= disaster
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
