his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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