tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
