I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
organizing the empties. That sober.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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