so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
