So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
