I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
