im drinking this country out of the recession.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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