just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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