I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
high people should be assigned attendants
Everything about him screamed your future.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
