I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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