My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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