All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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