Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
