I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
