totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
