Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
