The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
