Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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