So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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