apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
