Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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