I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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