So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
