Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you had me at cake vodka
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
