My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
