You can't motorboat a personality
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
