did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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