Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
