There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
