Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
