I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
