pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
